Sedentary Smoker😐? Asking for It!

I've been up since 2 in the morning unknowingly contemplating what's going on. Over the recent years of my life I've noticed changes that happened gradually. Couple years ago I noticed that my feet look like they had Age 5 years plus overtime. WTH! 🦶🏾All dry and wrinkled. When I lie down, sometimes my legs feel cold for no reason. If I have to get up for the bathroom in the middle of the night, I notice my heart's🫀 racing just because I got up. I'd think, maybe I just got up too fast. Well tonight, it really dawned on me.

Truth is I live in a pretty comfortable life where God has blessed me. 10 years ago around this time I was working hard labor jobs for almost nothing. Now I have the chance to work from home as a writer and be the housewife I always dreamed of but never thought I'd be. I guess for every good thing there's a consequence, and this is mine. I'm essentially destroying my body by trying to preserve it. So I don't know what the heck I'm going to do but I must have something ASAP.

We have been blessed with our first home🏡. It's modernized and just adorable. Only thing is that it is quite small. Not too much room for anything else besides the essentials. Where in the world am I supposed to add exercise equipment? The basement / man cave? The love of my life can call it whatever she wants. It's still a basement and that's where the creepies 🕷️🕸️ live. I can't imagine myself in his own sweating my ass off enjoying the good work out and then all of a sudden to see a spider just web his disgusting ass dangling right in front of my face . This is not going to work! I'd rather be outside, and we live in the hood! Scratch that I'm petrified about that as well. Just about a month ago, I volunteered to take the trash out early in the morning, on my way so the back I began to pick up articles of trash from the property as well. Tell me why I heard five or six gunshots maybe two blocks away. At 7 in the morning? Really? What a tangled web we weave! I have been thinking about buying a cruiser bicycle to ride around the neighborhood.

I'm thinking that the best bet that I can do. I'm not the type to do weight lifting because I don't know what I'm doing. Dancing is something that I do seldom nowadays. But the idea of riding a bicycle everyday just sounds and feels absolutely delicious to my spirit. I used to love to dance! I used to stay in shape with dancing back in my 20s. Nowadays, if I danced too much I'm petrified I'm going to have some type of attack. I keep telling my doctor this but I think she believes that I'm using it as a scapegoat to be lazy. But I'm truly not , I really am scared.

Maybe after I start to lose some weight and gain some stamina, maybe my heart well let me feel confident enough to bust another latin move. You know what? I ain't s***. I didn't even write about my stupid smoking habit. I guess there's really nothing to say because it speaks for itself. Obviously I need to quit. How? Only God knows. But I have to f****** do it ASAP.